


Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Nights [23]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Arkham, Bathroom Sex, Blüdhaven, Daddy Kink, Dinner, F/M, Fighting, Non-Abusive Relationship, Visiting Family, lots of smut but if you didn't know that then you haven't been reading my stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 05:58:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19000114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Harley convincing Joker to met her parents.





	Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnahiTheMexican](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnahiTheMexican/gifts).



> A delightful prompt given to me by AnahiTheMexican I hope you like what I did with it. :)

Joker was lying on the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of purple and red polka dot boxer shorts and some slouchy red and green striped socks. He had a cigarette in one hand and was practicing making smoke rings, blowing the rings up toward the ceiling where he had stapled pictures of Old Batsy from the Gotham Times newspaper. There were a few pictures of him and Harley up there too; mugshots, newspaper images, from photos he had printed from the computer, along with a few photos that Bob had taken and printed from his phone. He was aiming his smoke rings at Batsy as he tried to focus on what their next job would be, but he was having trouble because Harley was on her phone talking to her parents. He made a disgusted face as he put the cigarette back to his red lips, holding it between his fingers before he took a deep drag on it. 

He sighed. Boredom was making him cranky. He glanced over at Harley, who was on her phone pacing back and forth in their room while talking to her parents. He smiled a little watching her. Her blonde hair was pulled into pigtails and she wore a pair of very short red shorts that showed just a hint of her firm, round backside and a little t-shirt that rode up high enough to show off a hint of creamy skin along her hips and belly. He grinned, took a drag on his cigarette, imagining his tongue sliding along the edge of her shorts when Harley finally hung up the phone. 

She took a deep breath. “Puddin, I need a favor.” 

Joker sat up, crossing his legs as a frown formed on his red lips. He held the elbow of his smoking arm in one hand as he took a drag and slowly let out a long stream of smoke. “I don’t know if I can do any favors sweets, seeing as I’ve been lying here on the bed bored to tears while you talk to your…” He made a face with a look up at the ceiling. “...parents.” 

Harley sighed and walked over to flop down on the bed next to him. “Puddin, this is important--my parents want me to come to dinner since they haven't seen me in ages and…” she paused dramatically before she added. “They want me to bring my boyfriend with me.” 

Joker continued to smoke his cigarette, watching the smoke rings float up to the ceiling and acting as if he hadn’t heard a word she had said. Harley stared at him, waiting, but he didn’t respond or seem to notice. 

After waiting nearly a minute, Harley snarled in irritation at him. “PUDDIN!!” 

She elbowed him in the side, nearly knocking him off the bed. 

Joker yelped. “What??!” 

“My parents wanna meet my boyfriend!! That’s you!!” Harley yelled in exasperation. “They want me to bring you! You are my boyfriend!” she snarled at him. 

Joker wrinkled his nose at her, turning his head away and putting his nose in the air. “No, I don’t meet parents.” 

Harley stared at him, her eyes slowly widening at Joker as he stuck his burning cigarette in the corner of his mouth and folded his arms over her chest. He turned to glare right back at her without saying a word. Harley’s expression slowly grew colder and angrier until she stood up and simply walked out of the room, slamming the door, which made the entire room feel like it was vibrating violently for a split second. 

Joker blinked in astonishment at the closed door. 

He frowned taking out his cigarette and muttering. “What's she so mad about?” 

* 

Joker waited a whole five minutes before he got frustrated and finally pulled on a purple t-shirt with a jack-in-the-box on the chest and stomped down the stairs in his socks and boxers to look for Harley. 

It only took a few seconds of him walking back into the deeper parts of their hideout where the henchmen hung out for him to find her. It was like a giant recreation room in the back of the hideout, with clowns, balloons, carnival lights--pretty much any circus themed or clown themed decorations were used to decorate the henchmen’s rec area (all done by Bob, the resident interior decorator of Joker’s hideout.) Joker heard the sounds of cheering followed by good-natured ribbing and shouting, followed the sounds to the back. 

Joker saw the henchmen...wait, hench people he thought, remembering how much Harley hated it when he referred to their gang members as henchmen since they had a good mix of men, women and everyone in between in their gang--the gang members were all in a rough circle. He frowned and stood on his tiptoes to look over their heads. He saw the top of Harley’s head, her blonde pigtails bouncing before she disappeared. 

Joker frowned and shoved his way through the crowd of his gang only to stop on the edge of a makeshift circle formed by the bodies of his people. There in the middle was Harley. 

She had removed her t-shirt and was only wearing her shorts and a black sports bra. 

He watched in wonderment as Harley faced off with one of the bigger members of their gang, a man with bright orange dyed hair who went by the name Stooge. 

Stooge had his hamsized fists up and was circling Harley. Harley was pouncing lightly on her toes. Joker could see a drop of blood had run down from the corner of her mouth to the edge of her chin, but Harley was grinning as she leaned out of the way of Stooge’s thrown fist. But she didn’t stop with simply leaning. Harley threw herself back, doing a cartwheel without using her hands, snapped her feet up and kicked Stooge right under his square chin, knocking the big man back several steps. Harley landed lightly on her feet with a smile. Stooge snarled and charged her like a bull, but Harley simply spun around bringing her right leg up. The side of her bare foot connected with the side of Stooge’s jaw with a enough of an impact that everyone in the room heard the smack of flesh against flesh followed by the sound of a loud snap. 

The crowd broke into loud shouts of approval as Stooge fell to the hard concrete floor, holding his jaw with a cry of pain. 

Harley giggled, spinning around to look at everyone. “Okay--who’s next?” 

Joker watched as money changed hands among the gang, followed by another henchman (Joker frowned, noticing it was another guy fighting her which made him narrow his eyes in jealous anger.) 

This time, the man to walk out was named...Joker racked his brain, Mog? Moog? Moogle? Fuck, he thought, he couldn’t remember the soon-to-be-dead man’s name (not that he took the time to really remember their names anyway, it wasn’t like any of them lasted all that long after all), but the guy was tall, wide shouldered and sort of handsome (which brought a scowl to Joker’s face, his blue eyes narrowing.) The man smiled at Harley, and his smile...charming Joker acknowledged with a twist of his lips...Oh yeah, this one needed to die soon Joker thought. 

Really, really soon. 

Moose smiled at Harley. “I’m ready Miss Harley.” 

Harley giggled flexing her fingers. “Ready to get your ass kicked, you mean.” 

“It’ll be a pleasure Miss Harley.” Martin smiled at her and Joker focused on the idea of shooting Mittens in the middle of his forehead. Or better yet, a slow death by acid, or maybe just skinning him alive. Yeah, he liked that one, it let the victim reflect on their past mistakes. 

Harley frowned, examining Mouse, and then said with a grin. “You know what, let’s make this a real challenge, how about three more.” She smirked and lifted her eyebrows with a mischievous grin. 

Mickey had the audacity to look annoyed at Harley. Joker made a low growl in the back of his throat. (It was about now that a few of the gang noticed that Joker was among them and stepped a little distance from him. It was clear Joker was angry and no one wanted to be near him when his anger inevitably exploded). 

Frost, who seemed to be in charge of whatever betting was going on, frowned as he looked up from counting the money in his hands. “Miss Quinn?” 

Harley smiled at Frost and waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry Frosty, I can handle it. Besides, I’m still pissed--I really need to work this off.” 

Joker frowned. Harley was pissed? Oh yeah...she was angry with him. He pouted and crossed his arms over his chest with an indignant expression on his pale features. This entire “thing” was getting under his skin, Harley angry at him, henchmen flirting with her...betting going on that he wasn’t involved in... 

Three more gang members stepped out into the circle, again, all men. Joker huffed. There were clearly too many males in his gang. 

The four of them formed a semi-circle around Harley. 

Frost sighed, but called out. “Okay, ready...GO!” 

Joker watched as the four men tried to rush his girl. Harley moved swiftly, quicker than he had ever seen her move before. She snapped her left arm out taking one of the men in the face, shattering the man’s nose. Two more tried to flank her, but Harley leapt straight into the air, her legs snapped out to the sides like she was doing the splits. Her feet connected with the faces of those two henchmen. She dropped back to the floor to land in a crouch. 

The two she had kicked in the face tried again to get close, but Harley rolled backwards in a somersault up into a handstand and snapped her feet out again to kick those two in the stomach. 

Middles rushed her when she landed on her feet, but Harley pivoted and snapped her right fist out to catch the man in the chin. She followed with a second, swift punch with her left that caught him across the jaw. The man whose nose she had broken just a few moments before looked angry and raced up to try to tackle her from the side, but Harley pivoted on her left foot. She snapped her right leg up to kick the man in the face, followed by a quick triple snap kick, again catching the man across the face, knocking his head one way then another in an almost comical, cartoon fashion. The man dropped to the floor in a whimpering puddle. Harley was panting, but she giggled with delight. 

The other two men rushed her, but Harley threw herself into a lunge and cartwheeled using her legs and feet to kick the men attacking her in a graceful, yet effective move. 

* 

Joker watched with his mouth hanging open. He had seen Harley fight many, many times, but nothing like this. She was moving with grace and deadly swiftness in a way he had never seen before. It was both beautiful and a little terrifying because if anyone had flat out asked him he would have said Harley was an okay fighter, but this was next level. He was a little confused, surprised, and very turned on. 

* 

Mitch tried to rush Harley in an effort to use his bigger size and greater muscle mass against her, but she performed another armless cartwheel to avoid him, quickly turned and flipped, throwing the henchman off as he leaned back, hoping to avoid a kick to the face. She landed on her feet with a wide grin, perspiration rolling down her face and (Joker noted with an interested lift of his eyebrows) down her stomach. 

Mebbles lunged at his opponent, leading with his right fist. Harley spun around his arm, avoiding the fist. The man spun with her and tried to kick Harley, but she wrapped her arms around his leg, twisting herself around so her back was to him, one arm around his leg while the elbow of her other arm snapped backward, catching Mussen in the face. His nose cracked with an audible sound of crunching bone. The man fell flat on this back on the concrete floor, the air knocked completely out of his lungs, though Harley still held onto his leg. She followed the downed man, spinning over him, her hands still around his leg as she twisted both her body and his limb, cracking his kneecap and dislocating the joint in the same move when she used her own leg to break his limb against her body. 

Morris screamed in pain. 

Joker grinned in pleasure. 

Joker wasn’t sure what they were thinking , whether they were thinking about the money, were pissed that Joker’s girlfriend was beating the shit out of their friends, or if they were somehow convinced they were better than their fellow fighters, but two more of Joker’s henchmen rushed out to try to stop Harley. (Joker noticed that none of the female members of the gang tried to fight Harley or to interfere with the men who were. He smirked; the female members of his gang were clearly the more intelligent of the members.) 

Harley had just released her hold on the now wailing Mumbles’ broken leg when one of the stupidest members of Joker’s gang rushed her from the crowd. Harley saw him, a short weasley looking fellow with a pencil thin mustache (eww she thought for a moment.) She only had a second, but she leapt into the air and spun. Her foot snapped out and hit the man in the chest with the accompanying sound of shattered bones and wails of pain. She dropped to her feet and turned, the last one charging her like a fool. She spun around, so that instead of being in front of him she was beside him, her arm held out and straight. A normal person wouldn’t have been able to take the impact without hurting themselves, but Harley was anything but normal. The henchman slammed into her arm, and while she felt the vibration to her very bone, where it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, the man was clothes-lined and dropped like a sack of heavy potatoes. 

The crowd of henchmen and women broke out into riotous applause. 

Joker bit his lip with a grin. Harley was good, way better than he had ever given her credit for. 

* 

Money was changing hands quickly as Bob hurried out to the middle of the circle to give Harley a bottle of water and a towel to wipe off her sweaty face. The bald man, wearing a bright pink tutu, grinned like a proud father at Harley who smiled back while she wiped down her sweaty face and limbs. 

No one was paying attention as Joker stepped out into the middle of the little ring. 

“You’ve been holding out on me Harley,” Joker said with a smirk. “Didn’t know you could fight like that.” 

Harley tossed her towel at Bob taking a deep swig from her water bottle, her blue eyes hard as she glared at Joker before she answered. Judging by the look in her eyes, the little bit of exercise she had been engaged in was doing nothing to quell her temper. 

“I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of Batman puddin.” (The sarcasm dripped off the word as she glared at him.) “...by being better than you in a fight.” 

None of the people in the room made a sound, their eyes darting back and forth between the clowns like they were watching a tennis match. Bob’s eyes widened in surprise and Frost cringed. 

Joker blinked. 

That had the be the single worst thing Harley had ever said to him. She really was angry, not sorta angry, but, really, really angry at him. He frowned. He didn’t like it, he didn’t like her angry with him. He liked Harley to happy, bouncy, sexy and willing to do anything… 

Joker straightened himself up to his full six feet three inches as he glared at Harley. “You willing to take a wager on that girlie?” 

Harley thrust her water bottle at Bob, glaring at Joker as she walked over to stand in front of him, looking up in to his blue eyes as she hissed with a sneer. “What’s your wager?” 

Joker grinned--he had her. 

With a smug look on his pale white face, Joker hissed. “If I win, no dinner with parents, not just me not going, but you're not going either. If you win, we both go.” 

Harley smirked at him. “You’re on clown boy.” 

Joker blinked, then whispered to himself as Harley stepped away from him. “Clown boy?” 

Harley bounced in place a little, shaking out her arms and legs. 

Joker gave her a glare before he yanked off his socks so he was bare foot and tossed them aside. He pulled his t-shirt over his head too and tossed it over with the socks. Might as well take every opportunity to weigh the scales in his favor he thought, with a little sexual manipulation. His grin increased a fraction when he caught Harley's eyes wandering over him. 

“Ready toots?” he asked with a lifted green brow. 

Harley sneered at him. “Oh, I’m ready. Are you?” 

Joker narrowed his eyes and moved swiftly. He was faster than most people thought, though most of the people to find that out were no longer breathing. His fist shot out and caught Harley in the side of her chin. Her head snapped around and she hissed in pain, her bottom lip split with a shock of pain. 

Joker grinned, pleased with himself. “That the best you got Dr. Quinzel?” 

Harley’s head whipped around and Joker swallowed when Harley’s eyes turned to back to him, a snarl on her lips. She hated it when he called her Dr. Quinzel unless they were playing a sex game. No sooner had the smile crossed his face than Harley, who was glaring at him like she wanted to kill him, swung both of her hands at him from the sides, her hands held palms up, ready to chop him in the sides of his throat. 

Joker’s eyes widened in surprise. He brought his arms up, blocking her in time, but barely. Harley didn’t stop. While Joker was fast, she was faster. She spun her body around to his side, trying to use her elbow against the back of his head. Joker moved, twisting the upper half of his body to avoid her elbow jab, but he wasn’t paying attention to her legs; Harley brought her left leg up to kick him. 

“YOU STUPID FUCKING CLOWN!!” Harley yelled. 

Joker sucked in a startled breath, his arm coming up to block her kick, but as Harley finished her spin around him she was able to land a vicious chop to the back of his neck. She followed that by jumping onto his back, wrapping her left arm around his throat and hooked her left leg around his waist. Joker grabbed her arms and twisted, but Harley held onto him like a furious spider monkey. 

* 

The crowd of people that made up the Joker’s gang were yelling, cheering, and screaming. 

Frost looked pale watching the Boss and Harley. This was going to end one of two ways: with even greater violence or sex. He mulled over what the fight was about, something about Harley’s parents, which Frost had assumed were dead. He guessed that he had been wrong with that assumption. He couldn’t imagine why she would want to take the Joker to meet her parents--didn’t seem like a good idea to him--but he wasn’t currently in a relationship so...what did he know? He nervously chewed on a fingernail watching them. He was pretty sure it would be the sex because Joker loved Harley and she loved him, but sometimes... 

Frost glanced over at Bob who was watching them with a serene expression on his cherubic face. Frost shrugged. If Bob wasn’t worried, then he probably shouldn’t be either. 

* 

Harley let go of Joker, dropping to her feet and spinning out of the way when he tried to take a swing at her. Instead, she wrapped her hands around his biceps, leaned back on her right leg and brought her left leg up to kick him in the mouth. 

Joker grunted and stumbled back, tasting blood in his mouth. He growled and swung at her when she came back up on her feet, his fist connecting with her jaw. The strike was hard enough that she stumbled back, blood flooding her mouth. She jumped back and spit blood onto the floor with a snarl at him, showing her teeth, now blood covered. Joker narrowed his eyes, but desire ran through him in a hot flash going straight for his groin. She looked so god damn beautiful he thought, with her bloody lips, strands of blonde hair sticking to her sweaty forehead, drops of sweat rolling down between her breasts, or along her stomach to soak into the top of her shorts, and the blue flash of her eyes. He couldn’t help the smile that danced across his face. She was wild and gorgeous, sexy--and angry with him still--but damn if he didn’t want her. He wanted to bury himself inside her, to feel that scintillating joy of fucking her, hot, wet...He bit his swelling bottom lip, his groin throbbing with need. Damn her, he thought. 

Harley glared at Joker. His green hair was a mess, locks of it falling across his eyes, a few drops of blood from his nose ran down over his lips, a single drop of blood ran down his chin to drop onto his milk white chest. Then he had the audacity to smile at her. Harley’s entire body was on fire. She wanted him so much and it pissed her off that she was angry at him, but still wanted to fuck his brains out! 

She instead tried to focus on being mad at him still. She swung her fist, but he grabbed her arm pulling her off balance, or at least tried to pull her off balance. Harley was panting with the work out she was getting as she twisted her body around, putting her back against his chest and brought up her left elbow in an effort to jam her elbow against his nose. Joker brought his arm up to block her attack, but Harley brought her left leg up and around him, the heel of her foot hitting him in the back. 

Joker still had a hold of her arm, having twisted it behind her back; his grip on her wrist was painful, but Harley reached back with her free left arm, wrapped it around his neck and pushed off, throwing herself over his left shoulder, which broke his hold on her arm. (She had counted on his hold being slightly awkward so that, while it hurt, wrenching her shoulder a little, it wasn't pulled out of its socket and Joker didn’t break her arm either.) 

She landed on her feet behind him, kicked Joker in the back of the knee, forced him down on one knee before she grabbed the back of his neck and shoved him forward. 

Joker yelped putting his hands out to catch himself, but Harley moved to the side and kicked him in the ribs. Her kicked landed with enough force that he was lifted and rolled onto his back. 

He was amazed that he hadn’t broken a rib, and realized that his girl must be pulling at least a few of her attacks. She dropped down on his chest, grabbed his arms and pinned them over his head. Her grip was painful as she leaned in and hissed. 

“I win,” she panted. “You’re going to dinner at my parents’ house.” 

Joker laid on his back with his arms pinned over his head, panting, and slowly smiled as he whispered. “I'm so turned on right now.” 

Harley glared at him for nearly a full minute before she giggled. “Me too.” 

Joker arched his head back so he could glared at the gang, who were waiting to see what would happen with baited breath. 

“Everyone get out! NOW!!” 

Frost grinned, happy that the argument was over. “All right everyone out, let’s go!” 

With Bob’s help, Frost guided everyone out of the room. 

Harley didn’t move, holding Joker’s arms over his head until everyone was gone and they were left alone in the rec room. 

A slow smile touched Harley’s blood flecked lips before she leaned down and very slowly licked the blood off his lips. Joker opened his mouth, flicking his tongue out to meet her tongue, tasting the blood on her tongue. He growled with pleasure, especially when Harley grabbed his bottom lip with her teeth, pain shooting through him when her teeth sunk into the split on his lip. Her grip on his wrists loosened as Harley began to slowly making her way down, licking his sweaty throat until she came to his chest, at the same time she dragged her fingers down his arms, pressing down against his skin. 

Joker made a soft moan of pleasure, then hissed when she bit his nipple, sucking on him before she moved lower, licking the drop of blood from his chest. He reached down to her hair, pulling out the bands that held her pigtails in place, tossing them to the side to run his fingers through her soft, silky hair. 

Harley moved lower, licking his skin, kissing and biting her way down to his boxers. She dragged her tongue along the edge, where the elastic of his boxers pressed into his ghost white skin. She smiled and grabbed the boxers with her teeth, wrapping her fingers around the band and pulled them down. 

Joker giggled, lifting up and resting on his elbows to look down at her as she tugged his boxers down enough that his erection was exposed, popping into view like a jack-in-the-box. Harley’s eyes glided up his body until her blue-eyed gaze met his equally blue gaze. She grinned at him, wrapping her hand around his member. He grunted with pleasure, but then hissed as Harley slowly dragged her tongue up his hard length, licking him like an ice cream cone. Joker’s eyes rolled in his head with a low groan. He sucked in his bottom lip, his brow furrowing, watching as Harley ran her tongue long the tip of his erection, her tongue soft and wet, caressing every curve, the tip of her tongue pressing along the end of him before she lowered her mouth down on him, taking all of him in until the tip of her nose pressed against his lower abdomen. Joker groaned loudly, dropping back down as he went weak. He reached down to lay one hand across her head, lifting himself up on his elbow with his other hand to watch her suck on him. 

Harley burned, her groin ached, felt swollen with need, but she loved sucking on him, loved the way he mooned when she sucked him deep into her thtoat. She pressed her lips against his shaft feeling the heat against her lips, her tongue swirling back and forth, smiling around him each time he made a soft groan, or better yet, hissed her name. She dragged the edges of her teeth against him before once more sucking him deep into her mouth until he touched the back of her throat. 

Joker groaned. “Ahh...Harley...come here, I need to taste you. Daddy needs...oh...uh...to taste you on my tongue.” 

Harley giggled. “I don’t know…” She licked him, sending shivers up his spine. “... if you’re in any position to make demands Mistah J.” Harley purred smiling at him with a mischievous glint to her blue eyes while she swirled her tongue over the top of his erection. 

Joker moaned, dropping his head back against the floor with a mix of pleasure and frustration. “Damn it Harls…” 

She giggled again and took her time. She lowered her mouth down on him, taking him deep into her mouth then slowly dragged her lips up his erection. She grinned at the moaning Joker made, she could feel the way his body twitched before she sat back on her knees and smiled at him. He raised his head to watch her while she pulled her sports bra over her head, followed by her rising to her feet and shoving her shorts and panties down her long, silky smooth legs. 

Joker’s mouth watered watching her, wanting her. He laid back and put his hands out making grabby motions, like a baby wanting a bottle. Harley giggled again, moving over to position herself over him, her hips aligned with his mouth. 

“I’m only doing this since I think you learned your lesson.” Harley smirked over her shoulder at him. 

Joker purred, rubbing his hands along her rear. “Mmm...yes, I learned my lesson! I’m a good boy!” 

Harley giggled before lowering her mouth down his shaft until he was sure he was going to die from how good it felt. He grunted with pleasure while at the same time he reached up and pulled her hips down to run his tongue in a long slow lick against her clitoris. The moaning response from Harley made him grin with pleasure. He opened his mouth wider, running his hands down her legs moving his mouth over her, his tongue sliding into her as he pulled her closer. 

Harley moaned, the sound muffled by his erection in her mouth. His tongue was hot, wet against her and the way he moved his tongue, stroking it back and forth slowly, like he was trying to make sure his tongue touched every part of her made her want to scream with pleasure. She pulled her lips up his length, making sure to slather him with her saliva, her tongue playing across him. She enjoyed the way he felt in her mouth, hard, yet the skin of his erection was silky soft, vulnerable against her lips. She teased him with her teeth, pressing down just enough to create a contrast between her soft lips and the sligh brush of her teeth against his skin. She cupped him, squeezing gently before bobbing her head a little, alternating the quick movements with slow pressure of her lips, her tongue moving back and forth against his silky skin. 

Joker groaned, the brush of her hair against his legs tickled along with her lips and tongue which felt so good. He wrapped his arms around her legs, his hands spread wide against her rear, squeezing, slowly stroking her, luxuriating in the feel of her firm, round backside under his hands, the brush of her thighs against his face. His hands glided up her hips to her sides, his fingers tracing the curve of her spine. He moved his mouth slowly over her, taking the time to taste her, to feel her soft and sweet against his tongue and lips. He pulled her closer, holding her firmly while he flicked his tongue against her clitori. When Harley gasped in pleasure, he grinned, flicking his tongue against the sensitive spot a few more times before he pressed his lips against her and sucked, just hard enough to make Harley mewl and groan with delight and want. He pressed his lips against her clitoris and sucked, just enough to make Harley squirm before he used his fingers to spread her a little wider before his tongue dived into her, flicking in and out, a smile on his lips the entire time. 

Harley shuddered. She arched her back while sliding her hand up and down his shaft, pressing his erection against her breasts. Her breath became ragged, though she tried to steady her breathing while Joker drove her crazy with ecstasy. She pushed herself up, her back arching while she continued to stroke her hand up and down his erection. Warm ripples of pleasure rolled up from where his tongue moved against her to spread through her entire body. She bit her bottom lip, pressing her teeth hard into her lip as the building heat began to ripple through her quicker and quicker, her body tensing as the heat and pleasure continued to build. 

She groaned loudly. “Oh puddin...puddin...uh...” 

Joker grinned wider as his tongue flicked against her with quicker movements. He held her more firmly against him, making it difficult for her to move, but he didn’t want her moving away as he alternated the quick flicks of his tongue with deep sucks on her clitoris, pulling her closer and closer to her orgasm until Harley cried out, arching back. Her cry was high, almost a wail when her orgasm washed over her. Joker grinned and held her firmly against him, continuing to stroke his tongue against her, lapping up her pleasure with enthusiasm. Harley shuddered, her hands dropped to his legs, squeezing his knees when she climaxed, her body going completely tense then relaxing like a burst balloon. When she pulled away from Joker, he made a soft whine of displeasure. 

She moved off of him to turn around. “I want you--now,” she demanded. 

Joker pushed himself up, grinning. She was flushed, her cheeks highlighted with a natural rosy blush while her blue eyes glowed with her pleasure. Her light blue eyes sparkled in a way that made his groin tighten. He rose up to his knees and growled. “Lie down, Harls.” 

Harley laid down on her back while smiling at him, her blonde hair spread out around her head like a golden halo. He took a moment to just gaze at her, naked, wet, her skin flushed pink with pleasure. He ached looking at her. She was beautiful and she was all his, every inch of her belonged to him, his girl, his pumpkin pie, his Harley. He grabbed her legs and rolled her hips to the side, lifting her left leg up slightly while he held his erection, rubbing the head of his shaft against her wet opening, grinning as he felt her, warm, wet, slick… 

He growled, coating himself with her fluids, teasing them both as he slid the head of his erection against her. He grinned watching Harley arch and moan; her hands near her face were in fists as she tensed with need. He waited until she turned to look at him, their blue eyes meeting before he thrust himself into her, burying himself as deep as he could into her. 

Harley gasped, crying out as he penetrated deep into her. He felt so good, filling her, stretching her, the sensation of him inside her rippled through her. 

“Puddin!!” Harley gasped. 

Joker dropped her leg, which Harley promptly wrapped around his hips. He grabbed her hip with both hands and began to thrust, moving slow with long, deep thrusts. He groaned, she felt so good, so wet, so warm. His lids dropped until the blue of his eyes could only be seen through his dark lashes. His pale, ghost white fingers pressed into her pink flesh as he slapped against her, trying to extend their love making as long as possible by moving slowly. 

Harley jerked as her next orgasm came quickly, almost from the moment Joker pressed fully into her. She whimpered and bit into the knuckle of her right hand as a wave crashed over her, everything in her tightened, but she wanted more. 

“Harder Puddin...harder...please!” Harley begged turning to look at him over her shoulder. 

Joker grinned, his lips seemed redder, his eyes glowing a bright, beautiful blue. “Harley…” He said her name deeply, his voice rough, and his breath ragged. 

Joker gripped her hip with one hand, the other grabbed her thigh, pressing his fingers into her skin. Harley groaned looking up at him, his pale slender body pressed against her. She reached back to run a hand down his chest to his stomach. 

Joker arched his back and thrust harder, then moved faster, slamming into her. Now that she told him to move faster, he couldn’t do anything but that; he thrust hard and fast giving himself over to simply feeling her, feeling her around him. The combination of the wet sounds of their bodies coming together, laced with her moans, watching her bite her knuckle again, her body tensing, the flood of wetness when she climaxed again. Joker jerked as his own orgasm ripped through him. He thrust hard and fast a few more time, but his body turned to spaghetti and he grunted, grabbing her left leg and moving her back on her back so he could collapse on top of her with a contented sigh. 

They lay tangled around each other for a few long seconds, their ragged panting slowly coming back to normal. Harley smiled contentedly, stroking her fingers lazily against his back. Joker purred, nuzzling her throat with his lips and nose. 

Finally Joker sighed. “So when is this dinner?” 

Harley smiled, pleased to have won and gotten her way. “Tomorrow night.” 

Joker rolled his eyes with a groan. “Fine, but I want to bring Bob and Frost.” 

Harley was quiet for a moment before she relented. “Fine.” 

* 

Evening had fallen by the time Frost pulled up and turned the car off in front of a small ranch style home located in a small suburb outside of Bludhaven. The house looked like the perfect American family home, with dark grey siding, a solid looking brown wood door with a half window of glass at the top. A brick walk led up to the front door, while a perfectly manicured green lawn with perfect, symmetrically cut green shrubs with just a few flowers for color lent the notion of a cared for home. There was a small front porch that held a varnished wooden porch swing and Joker could see a wooden fence surrounding the backyard. 

Joker made a face, wrinkling his nose and shuddering. “Eww...it looks so...normal.” 

Harley smacked him in the shoulder. “Shut it.” 

Joker made a face at her sticking his tongue out, though that only made Harley giggle. 

She gazed at the home she grew up in and sighed. She hadn’t spoken to her parents in ages, let alone seen them. They knew nothing about what her life was like now. The only thing she had told them the last time she had spoken to them was that she had a boyfriend and a job--she just hadn’t told them the job was no longer at Arkham and her boyfriend had been one of the patients. Harley shoved her glasses up and squeezed the bridge of her nose. “All right: now I want all of you on your best behavior. My parents know nothing about what I do, they still think I’m a doctor at Arkham.” 

Joker snickered. “Boy would they be surprised if they knew what their little girl was getting up to. Sexing up one of the patients...” He tsked at her, waving a long white gloved finger in her face. “Shame on you, destroying your parents’ dreams for their little girl by becoming a criminal. Shame, shame on you.” 

Harley glared and pointed a threatening finger at Joker. “You are to say nothing about what we do. They’ve never heard of the Joker, or Batman, or any of it. They don’t watch television, they’re book people, academics. They read at night instead of watching tv.” 

Joker blinked. “Really? No cartoons? Nothing? Wow, they’re weirder than I thought.” 

Harley hissed. “Just be on your best behavior.” 

She sighed again looking Joker over. He was wearing a tuxedo. (He had insisted on dressing up. No amount of arguing had convinced him to dress more “normal.” Harley hadn’t even tried to talk him into makeup to change the color of his skin or hair knowing he would have had a fit, which then would have forced her to put up with a pouting Joker all night. She didn’t need the headache. She supposed she should be happy he wanted to make an effort to look nice instead of being difficult, even if he was a little bit overdressed. He looked very handsome, though, handsome enough that she wanted to tear the tux off of him and have her way with him again...maybe later if tonight went well, a little congratulations on not freaking her parents out. Celebratory sex for being a good Joker.) He wore a white dress shirt, white vest, black jacket with tails, white bowtie, black dress shoes with white spats, and even a white carnation on his lapel. Except for the color of his hair and skin, he looked like he had stepped out of a 1940’s Fred Astaire movie. His green hair was slicked back and his eyes were highlighted with black eyeliner which made their blue color more vibrant and more attractive. His lips were a bright, deep red and when he smiled, Harley felt shivers up and down her spine. He grinned at her and she hated him for being so damn handsome. Granted, her parents were going to freak out over his complexion and hair, but she also knew they wouldn’t ask or say anything about Joker’s appearance. Instead, they would do their best to pretend that there wasn’t a green-haired man in a tuxedo dating their daughter. 

Harley ran her hands over her hair. She had her hair pulled up in a high bun held in place by a couple of hair sticks, very little makeup, her black framed, no-nonsense glasses (which she hadn’t worn since she had been with the Joker), a simple black pencil skirt and a blue blouse that matched her eyes, and was buttoned up to show no cleavage (Joker had whined about that a lot this evening before they left), and a pair of black shoes that had very sharp, high heels (the only part of her outfit that showed a little of the current Harley Quinn instead of the old Harleen Quinzel.) 

Harley turned to Frost. “Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” 

Frost nodded. “I have a thermos of coffee, my books and a bag of snacks. I’ll be fine.” 

Joker muttered. “Coward.” 

Harley ignored him, turning her attention to Bob. “You ready?” 

Bob nodded with a bright smile. Tonight the big man was all in purple. Bob had gone all out. The tutu was encrusted with rhinestones that continued into the purple t-shirt he wore. Bob had even added a tiara on his bald head. Harley had figured out how to explain Bob--he was one of her patients who was very attached to her. She just couldn’t leave him behind and she had promised him an outing. It wasn’t a perfect explanation, but it would have to do. 

Harley stared at her family home for another full minute before she finally said. “All right, let’s go get this over with.” 

She pushed the door open, stepping out while Bob, who had been in the front with Frost, jumped out, followed by a slower moving Joker. 

Joker sighed looking at her family home mournfully. “This is going to be so boring!” 

Harley elbowed him. “Behave.” 

Joker pouted and muttered. “Joker behave...blah blah blah…” 

Joker and Bob walked up behind Harley as she hurried up the walk and stopped at the door where she rapped her knuckles against the wood door. They only had to wait a beat before the door was pulled open by a slender, attractive woman in her mid-fifties with narrow features, light blue eyes, and long blonde hair wearing an attractive, dark blue dress that hugged her figure; sensible heels rounded out her attire. 

“Harleen!!” The woman didn’t yell exactly, it was as if she was careful to control her excitement at seeing her daughter, but she did throw her arms around Harley pinning Harley’s arms to her sides in her excitement. “Oh honey!! It’s been forever!!! I’m so glad you came!” 

Harley winced, but she smiled regardless. “Hey mom.” 

Her mother released her, turning her attention to the two men behind her daughter. Harley almost giggled as she watched her mother’s expression go from excited to confused in a matter of seconds. 

“And...ah...who did you bring with you?” her mother asked while trying to maintain her smile. 

Harley turned to the side slightly to give her mother a better view of Joker and Bob. “Mom, this is my boyfriend...ah...” 

Joker took her mother’s hand, bring it to his lips. “I’m Fritz-Lo…” 

Harley hurriedly spoke over him. “His name is Jack, Jack Napier.” 

Joker kissed Harley’s mother’s hand while shooting Harley a narrowed eye, annoyed look. He had wanted to give the name Fritz-Lloyd Luckinbill, some ridiculous name he had made up, but Harley had wanted to keep things simple; plus there was no way she was going to remember to call him Fritz-Lloyd all night. 

Joker ignored Harley and purred at her mother. “It’s a pleasure to meet the woman who birthed from her loins such a beautiful creature as Harleen. Thank you Mrs. Quinzel, your daughter gives me hours of endless joy.” He gave her mother one of his most winning smiles as he released her hand. 

Harley’s mother looked confused. “Ah...thank you?” 

Harley nearly groaned, but managed to maintain her cool. “It’s Dr. Quinzel, like me. Dr. Sharon Quinzel, though mom is a neurologist.” 

Joker beamed. “Oh, so Harleen comes by her brains through good genes. That reminds me of a joke…” 

Harley grimaced and quickly spoke over him again. “This is Bob--he’s one of my patients. I promised him an outing and this seemed like a perfect opportunity.” 

Bob stepped forward and curtsied. Dr. Quinzel frowned and smiled at the same time, clearly confused, but she finally settled on a smile. “Well, it’s nice to meet you both. Please come in, dinner is almost ready. Your father is in the dining room. Why don’t you all sit down and I’ll get some tea.” Harleen’s mother headed inside while Harley turned on Joker. “Behave.” 

Joker stuck his bottom lip out. “I am behaving!” 

“We talked about the name…” Harley started, but Joker shrugged. “Fine, but my name is more fun.” He headed inside, sticking his nose in the air. Harley sighed rolling her eyes as she ushered in Bob and closed the door. This was going to be long night she thought. 

* 

The inside of her parents’ home was just as picture perfect as the outside. The foyer had an umbrella stand, a mirror and a rack for coats. As they walked in Joker could see that the living room looked comfortable, but still had a sort of sterile, catalogue feel to them, as if everything was simply too perfect, too arranged (and he saw that Harley was correct, no television! But lots of bookshelves). The only intimate details were the photographs of their only child, Harleen, in the small hall of their home between the living room and the kitchen. 

Joker grinned despite himself as he stopped to examine photos of Harley as a little girl. There was a picture of her with scraped up knees and a snaggle tooth grin standing by a tree with a hammer. In the tree was a rough tree house with a hand painted sign that read “NO BOYS” on it. Another imaged showed a golden-haired toddler, her face sticky with cotton candy wearing a little blue, frilly dress. Yet another image was of Harley in high school in her gymnastics outfit, her hair in pigtails with braces on her teeth with just the beginnings of her figure being visible in her leotard. Joker’s smile widened as he worked his way down the small hall, studying each image. The last was of Harley at her college graduation, bright blue eyes behind thick rimmed black glasses, her arm around some handsome young man...Joker wrinkled his nose and narrowed his eyes. 

Harley frowned watching Joker (with Bob right behind him) studying the images of her on her parents’ walls. She paled when she saw Joker examining the photo of her and her college boyfriend. 

Joker pointed at the picture, his finger against the glass. “Who is that?” he asked turning to look at Harley. 

Harley frowned. “My ah...old college boyfriend Guy Kopski.” 

Joker lifted a green brow at her. “Is he still alive?” 

Harley shrugged. “As far as I know.” 

Joker smile, his voice a whisper only she could hear. “Well, guess I’ll have to change that.” 

Harley opened her mouth to reply when she heard her mother call out. “In here! I have your tea.” 

Harley took Joker’s hand. “Come on.” 

Harley led them into the dining room, which Joker noted, was like the rest of the house, picture perfect with a dining room table that could seat up to six with a china cabinet in a corner of the room, glass doors that led out onto the back porch, and a modest, crystal chandelier. Sitting at the table was Harley’s father. He stood as they entered. Her father wasn’t a big man, slender like her mother, with thick black framed glasses, bald with a kind face, wearing simple navy slacks and a simple white shirt. He looked as if he needed to shave or perhaps he was growing out a beard, but the hair on his face was speckled with white whiskers. 

When he saw his daughter, Harley’s father threw his arms wide. “Harleen!!” 

Harley squealed and ran for her father, throwing herself into his arms. The older man caught her and hugged his only daughter tightly. “How have you been sweetheart!!! Your mother and I have been worrying about you since you haven’t called in ages!” 

Harley gave her father one more quick squeeze before she stepped back, smiling at her father. “I’m so sorry Daddy. I’ve just been so busy. I’ll try to do better.” 

Her father smiled and cupped her face with one hand. “You do that. Now, where is this boyfr…” 

Her father stopped in mid-sentence when his eyes landed on Joker and Bob. It was clear from her father’s expression he wasn’t sure which one he was hoping to be the boyfriend, but he quickly schooled his features as Harley pointed at Joker. 

“Daddy, this is my boyfriend, Jack Napier. Jack, this is my Daddy, Dr. Nick Quinzel. He’s a chemical engineer.” 

Joker stepped forward with his hand out. Nick took Joker’s gloved hand continuing to stare at Joker as Joker shook his hand vigorously. “It’s so nice to meet you, Dr. Quinzel…” He laughed. 

“So many doctors under one roof! I almost feel like I’m in Arkham, except you and your dear wife aren’t shrinks.” He laughed again before he asked. “Chemical engineering?” Joker grinned. 

“We’ll have to talk shop. I fancy myself a little bit of a chemical engineer. I’m working on this bomb…” 

Harley’s father paled, but Harley quickly pipped in. “He is just working on a theory…” 

Joker grinned. “Yep, a theory...until I get it working.” He chuckled. 

“Oh.” Harley's father looked confused, but Harley barreled on. “Daddy, this is Bob, one of my patients. I was telling Mom that I had promised Bob an outing and thought this would be perfect. Bob is mute, but he is perfectly harmless.” 

Her father started to put his hand out to Bob, but Bob curtsied instead. Nick Quinzel looked at his hand then the large man in the tutu as he rose from his deep curtsy, and slowly took his hand back. 

He quickly recovered. “Well, why don’t you all take a seat…” 

Harley pulled out a seat for Joker, clearly telling him, without telling him, to sit down next to her, on the opposite side away from her father. Joker frowned slightly, but sat down, with Harley putting herself between him and her father with a very deliberate glare at Joker trying to will him to behave himself. Bob sat across from Harley with a big smile. There were already five glasses of iced tea on the table, with sugar and a bowl of sliced lemons in it. It was only now that Harley noticed the smell of meatloaf. 

“Meatloaf?” Harley asked her father. 

Nick grinned. “Your mother is making her world class meatloaf just for you tonight honey.” 

Harley beamed. “Wow, I haven’t had mom’s meatloaf in ages.” 

Joker frowned at the term meatloaf, which sounded disgusting, but he kept his opinion to himself. 

Nick took a sip of his tea and turned his attention to Joker. “So, Jack, you mentioned chemical engineering--do you have a degree?” 

Joker smiled brightly. “Nope, I don’t. I got my experience from falling into a vat of chemicals and…Oomfp…” He winced as Harley elbowed him in the side. 

Harley quickly added. “Jack has a lot of hands-on experience working with chemicals, though he doesn’t have an official degree. But he is a genius.” Harley glanced over at Joker, her expression sincere; she really did think he was a genius. 

Joker smiled at her. He liked it a lot when Harley looked at him like that, her eyes all big and blue, her smile sweet, loving. Maybe he could behave himself, at least for a little bit. 

Joker grinned at her father. “I do love working with chemicals and watching the different reactions. It’s amazing what you can make with Hydrogen Cyanide, a little basic bleach, and Strychnodide, don’t you think?” 

Nick frowned. “Ah, I’m not sure…” 

“Dinner is served!” 

Everyone turned as Harley’s mother came into the room carrying a platter and set it down in the middle of the table. On the platter was a large loaf of meat, the top slathered in ketchup. 

Joker grinned. It looked like road kill! He pressed his lips together to try not to laugh, or puke, he wasn’t sure which one he wanted to do more. 

Sharon smiled. “Now just a minute and I’ll get the carrots, mash potatoes and rolls.” 

Bob stood up with an eager look on his face. 

Harley giggled. “Mom, do you mind if Bob helps? He loves to cook and serve dinner; I think he wants to help you.” 

Bob nodded with enthusiasm. 

Sharon looked a little uncomfortable, but nodded. “Of course, this way Bob.” 

Nick smiled, taking a deep sniff of the cooked meat. “Doesn’t that smell great!” 

Joker muttered. “If you like meat that looks like…” 

Harley elbowed him in the ribs. 

Joker make a pained sound, followed by a glare at Harley. 

Her father looked over at him with a slight frown which he quickly eased away. “So, tell me Jack, how did you meet my little girl?” 

Harley paled, but Joker beamed leaning his elbows on the table and lacing his fingers together to rest his chin on his fingers. “Well, I was this innocent clown and your girl decided to take advantage of me whe…Ow!” Joker jerked to the side as Harley elbowed him. 

Harley hurried spoke. “We met at work.” 

Nick frowned in confusion and started to open his mouth when Bob came flouncing into the room with a bowl of steaming carrots in one hand and a bowl of mash potatoes in the other. Mrs. Quinzel was right behind him with a basket of biscuits. 

Harley beamed. “Everything smells fantastic mom!” 

“Oh, thank you dear. I hope it tastes good. I do hope you like meat loaf Jack.” Sharon smiled setting down the basket and taking her seat across from her husband. 

Joker gave a sick smile. “If I die, give my bod…” 

Harley elbowed him in the side. Joker yelped turning to glare at Harley who ignored him. Sharon and Nick exchanged a look, widening their eyes at one another, but said nothing. 

Harley leaned over. “Let me fix your plate puddin.” 

Sharon smiled. “Oh, you call him puddin? How cute!” 

Joker crossed his arms over his chest and muttered under his breath, “It’s not cute,” while Harley filled his plate, his eyes widening slightly at the amount of meatloaf she put on his plate. 

She set the plate down in front of them before fixing her own plate. As everyone else fixed their plates, conversation stopped for the moment. 

Harley leaned over and hissed in Joker’s ear while her parents and Bob made their plates. “Don’t you say anything bad about my mother’s meatloaf, it's the only thing she is good at cooking.” 

Joker frowned, glancing at the meatloaf on his plate. “It looks like cooked brains, though since your mom is a neurologist…” He chuckled. “That reminds me of a joke…” 

Harley snarled. “Shush it!” 

Joker pouted and hissed back. “I don’t like Dr. Quinzel, I miss Harley.” 

Harley blinked for a moment at him before she sighed. “I’m sorry puddin. I just...I want my parents to like you and to not worry about me. I love you to bits, but you’re not exactly every parent’s dream guy puddin--you’re a mass murdering clown.” 

Joker grinned. “True, true, not everyone can be as fun as me. Fine, I’ll try harder--for you.” 

Harley smiled and kissed his cheek. “Thank you puddin.” 

Harley turned her attention back to her parents, picking up her fork and taking a bite of her mother’s meatloaf. She chewed and swallowed before she asked. “Daddy, could you pass the salt please?” 

Joker and her father both reached for the salt at the same time. The two men stared at each other, Joker’s smile slowly spread across his face, his blue eyes twinkled with mischief, as well as clearly telling her father exactly what this little confusion meant, while her father’s face turned pale, his cheeks flushing as the meaning sank in. 

Harley’s eyes were wide with panic as she looked between Joker and her father. Finally Joker picked up the salt and handed it to Harley. “There you go pumpkin.” 

Sharon swallowed, her cheeks just as red at the implication of what had just happened sank in. Her parents looked at one another while Harley felt like sinking into her seat. 

Joker smiled happily and cut a large bite of meatloaf off and stuck it in his mouth, chewing with almost comical effect before he swallowed. 

“Why Mrs. Dr. Quinzel, that’s the best meatloaf I’ve ever had!” Joker winked at her. “Maybe you can teach Harley how to make it for me.” 

Harley’s mom smiled awkwardly. “Ah, sure...of course.” 

Harley’s father seemed to recover from the salt incident and smiled. “So, you met at work. You work at Arkham Asylum then too Jack.” 

Joker grinned. “I do. You could say I’m one of Arkham’s most valuable employees, next to your daughter of course. I helped your little girl settle in, showed her the ropes...the handcuffs, the pleasures of the straightjacket…” 

Harley cleared her throat. “Jack is a--he’s one of the nurses.” 

“Oh, a nurse! That is quite a calling.” Sharon smiled while she took a bite of potatoes. “So ah, where did you go to school Jack?” 

Joker smiled taking a bite of his carrots. “Gotham, everything I am I owe to Gotham.” 

Nick nodded. “The wife and I have only been to Gotham a handful of times, though we do like to travel. We liked to learn new languages, experience new cultures. Though we stopped traveling once we had Harleen. And then after she moved to Gotham for work, we started to travel again.” 

Sharon smiled. “Last year we traveled to Spain to brush up on our Spanish.” 

Joker grinned. “I’m quite good with my tongue, aren’t I Harleen?” 

Harley, who had been quietly eating her carrots nearly choked. Joker pressed his lips together on a giggle and patted her back. “You all right pumpkin?” 

Harley stood up suddenly and rushed off. Joker frowned watching her go then turned to her parents. “I’ll just go see if she’s all right.” 

Joker stood up and hurried after her. 

Sharon and Nick exchanged a look, but then turned their attention to Bob who was happily cleaning his plate before he held it out, his brows raised questioningly on his cherub face. 

Sharon sighed and smiled and began to fill the big man’s plate again. 

* 

Harley coughed, rushing to the main bathroom, but before she could slam the door, Joker grabbed it and followed her inside closing the door behind them both. 

Harley swallowed hard, reaching over to pull a little paper cup from a holder by the sink, filling it with water from the faucet. She downed the water, took a breath before she balled the paper cup up, and threw it at Joker. The balled up paper cup hit him in the chest and bounced off. 

Joker stuck his lip out. “What?” 

Harley groaned. “This was a bad idea.” 

Joker smiled. “Maybe, but don’t worry about it Harls. You’re parents are...weird, but I don’t feel like killing them, so there’s that.” 

Harley glared at him for a moment before she broke down into giggles. She wasn’t really sure what she was giggling about, maybe the fact that Joker didn’t want to murder her parents, or the fact that she had thought bringing him to meet them was a good idea, or maybe because this whole thing was just funny, but she began to giggle. 

Joker giggled too. 

Harley sighed, stepped closer to him and draped her arms around his neck with a smile at him. “You are good with your tongue puddin.” 

Joker wrinkled his nose, smiling at her while his arms went around her. “Mmm...I’m a cunning linguist.” 

Harley giggled rubbing her nose against his and whispered. “I love the way you look in a tux puddin. You look so handsome.” 

Joker purred brushing lips against hers. “When you’re dressed like this, I want to yank your skirt up and pull your hair down, Dr. Quinzel...I want to fuck you hard and fast, mess up your clothes and bruise those pretty lips with mine.” 

Harley’s heart beat faster, heat immediately pooling in her breasts and groin when he spoke to her like that. “Well, what’s stopping you?” she asked. 

Joker’s eyes widened a fraction, and then his smile turned into a smirk as he whispered. “Naughty Dr. Quinzel.” 

He kissed her, crushing his mouth against hers, his tongue demanding at the same time he turned them both around, dropping down to sit on the closed toilet. 

Harley pulled her skirt up to her hips while Joker yanked her glasses off with one hand, dropping them in the sink at the same time reaching around to pull the sticks from her hair, letting it tumble down. The long golden locks fell in a wave like creamy honey around her shoulders. The scent of her hair was like vanilla and honey washing over him. He reached out to grab her black panties, pulling them down her legs, grinning with pleasure as he watched her step out of them. He hooked her panties over his wrist and pulled her close, her heels making her just tall enough that he could slide his tongue between her legs, his hands reaching around to cup her bare backside. He lifted one of her legs over his shoulder while he squeezed her rear with one hand, pulling her closer. He buried his mouth against her, his tongue sliding back and forth, pressing hard against her clitoris. 

Harley moaned, one hand on his shoulder, her other hand in his hair, holding his face to her groin while he licked and sucked. His tongue felt so good, warm, wet. He sucked on her, moving his mouth over her in a way that made her want to scream. She stroked her fingers through his green hair, caressing down his face as she looked down at him. 

Joker grinned, looking up at her. He loved watching the expression that flitted across her face while he licked her, the way her brows furrowed, the way her lips parted and the little gasps she made. She started to move her pelvis, thrusting against his mouth and tongue. He responded by pulling her closer. He moaned against her, and the vibration of the sound caused Harley to gasp and thrust toward him as he brought her to a knee-weakening orgasm. 

* 

“So, Bob, you’re a patient of Harleen’s, is that right?” Sharon asked as she piled a third helping of mashed potatoes onto Bob’s plate. At least there wouldn’t be any leftovers she thought with a smile. 

Bob nodded happily. 

Nick glanced at his wife before he asked. “Is she a good doctor?” 

Bob again nodded happily. 

“So, she and Jack...are they happy?” Sharon asked the big man, glancing at her husband. 

That was when they both heard a moan come from the direction of the bathroom followed by the clear sound of Harley moaning the word Daddy. 

Nick’s eyes widened as he looked at his wife. 

* 

Harley groaned. “Uh puddin! Uh, Daddy yes!!” 

Joker held her close, unwilling to let her go just yet as he sucked and licked her, opening his mouth wide to get as much of her against his tongue as he could, even though his groin ached for her. 

Harley thrust her hips riding out her orgasm, her eyes half-closed. “Uh...uh Mistah J…Uuh...yes Daddy...” 

Joker caressed her legs until he finally pulled back, his breathing heavy. “I want you,” he said in a husky tone. 

Harley looked down at him with a smile. His mouth and cheeks were damp, his lips glistening with her on him. She stepped back while Joker quickly undid his pants, pulling himself free before reaching for her. Harley straddled him on the toilet reaching down to stroke his shaft once, which sent Joker groaning, leaning back against the toilet. “Harley…” 

She lowered herself down on him, adjusting her legs, pulling herself closer. She closed her eyes, groaning with pleasure when he entered her, feeling that hard, yet silky soft length of him press into her. Her breath caught, her hands grasped his shoulders as her back arched. “Uh...Daddy...yes…” 

Joker pulled her shirt free of her skirt, quickly tugging the buttons free until her black bra was exposed. He yanked her bra down to release her breasts. He grasped one, wrapping his gloved fingers around her breast, squeezing it in a soft grip, the hard pink nipple begging for his tongue. He licked her nipple, made Harley tighten around him. Her groans sounded almost painful with need. He smiled, wrapping his lips around her nipple and sucked. 

Harley whimpered, her hands moving to his thick green hair. She rocked her body against him while he switched breasts, his perfect white teeth gently caught her nipple and Harley whined with pleasure. 

After a few seconds of focus on her breasts Joker groaned pulling her down to kiss her, his arms wrapping around her, pulling her closer as he kissed her long, slow, and languid as if they weren’t in her parents bathroom in her childhood home. 

Harley caressed his face while she kissed him, at the same time she rolled her hips in slow rocking rhythm, pressing him deep inside her. “I love you puddin, I love you so much,” she whispered. 

Joker bit his bottom lip, gazing up at her, cupping her rear, pulling her tight against him. “I love you Harley…” 

Harley chest tightened to hear him say those words as she wrapped her arms around his, bending into him as she kissed him, her tongue dancing and twisting with his while she rolled her hips, sliding back and forth against his hard erection. Her rhythm built as her orgasm raced higher and higher, her body tensing. She gasped, could feel the ripples rushing up, ready to burst. She held on tightly to him then dropped her head down against Joker’s as she let out a long, deep cry, her body tightened around her, her arms held him desperately, her hips rolling, rocking with the warmth and liquid pleasure of her orgasm. 

Joker panted holding onto her, enjoying the feel of her legs around him, her thighs pressed against his hips, how hot and wet she was riding him like this. He growled with pleasure pressing her down on him, wanting to be as deep inside her as possible when she brought him to climax. The wet sounds their fucking made his groin tighten more, made his erection throb and ache with the need to climax. But the pleasure of feeling her, the sliding up and down, the way her body bounced against his, he wanted it to go on forever. But his body just wouldn’t allow it (and he figured her mother and father might come looking for them after a while.) Joker groaned loudly, feeling that slick slip and slide of Harley moving up and down on him bringing him closer, closer...his body tightened… 

He felt the way she tightened around him, felt that flood of warm when she climaxed. Joker groaned then gasped followed by an almost painful moan of pleasure when he orgasmed, bursting inside her, his body draining at the same time he grabbed her hips, holding her down and rolling her hips on him, feeling every inch of pleasure until he thought he might slide off their seat to the floor and simply lay there in a heap for a while. 

They were both panting, their heartbeats gradually slowing. Joker held Harley close, his gloved fingertip moved up and down her back under her shirt, stroking her sweetly. 

Harley had laid her head against his shoulder, too tired to care, to spent to move… 

That was the moment there was a hard knock on the door followed by Harley’s father. 

“Harleen?! Are you okay? Is Jack in there with you? Do we need to call an ambulance?” 

Harley sat bolt upright, her eyes wide. 

“No, no, I’m fine! Just...ah...Jack had to do the heimlich, but I’m all right now. We’ll be right out!” 

Harley stumbled to her feet looking for something in the bathroom to clean herself off with. She grabbed a hand towel that was one of two that hung on a wall rack by the shower, running water over the towel then hurriedly began to clean herself. 

Joker just sat there on the toilet, his erection out, his pants a mess, but he was grinning, making no move to change his position. 

“Will you get up and clean off!” Harley squealed. “Oh my god, they know I was having sex in their bathroom!!” Harley wailed dropping the hand towel into the sink then drying herself off with another hand towel. She grabbed her glasses off of the sink, then put her hand out toward Joker who still hadn’t moved. “My panties please.” 

Joker gave her a lopsided grin. “I don’t think so, they’re mine now…” He showed them off while twirling the small bit of cloth around one gloved finger. Harley growled, trying to make a grab for them, but Joker chuckled snatching them away. “Ooh no, mine!” 

Harley wrinkled her nose at him. “You’re impossible!” 

Joker giggled shoving her panties into his tuxedo jacket, watching her pull her skirt back into place, wash her hands and start to pull her bra up and her shirt back together. 

Joker leaned on the sink watching her with a grin, still making no move clean himself or dress. 

“Puddin…” Harley gave him a low, threatening growl. 

Joker frowned then grabbed the towel off the hanger. “I’m only doing this because I want to, not because you are growling at me.” 

Harley wiped the lipstick smears on her mouth away before she pulled her hair back, but she couldn’t seem to get it back up in the bun like she had it while Joker cleaned himself off, cleaned off his slacks and stood, putting himself back in his pants and zipping them up. 

Harley frowned at her hair. It was up but it didn’t look quite right; it was clear it had been redone and her shirt was wrinkled. She sighed, turning toward the door. “All right, ready?” 

Joker smoothed his hair back in the mirror with a slight frown, he wiped away the lip stick smudges before he pulled a tube of lipstick from a pocket on the inside of his jacket and reapplied the red to his lips before he grinned at himself in the mirror. 

“Now I’m ready,” he said with a big smile. 

Harley opened the door and stopped dead when she saw her father standing against the opposite wall, waiting. 

“You sure everything is all right dear?” Nick asked glancing over her shoulder at Joker. 

Harley smiled doing her best to look like nothing was wrong. “Yes Daddy…” 

Joker snickered behind her, Harley shoved her elbow back hard, catching him in the stomach. 

Joker made a pained sound. “Yes, everything is fine, though I think we might need to be going.” Harley frowned trying to keep her face neutral, but she felt the heat of a blush was creeping into her cheeks. 

That was when Harley heard her mother coming down the hall toward them. “Go? But you haven’t had dessert yet honey!” 

Harley looked around the corner to see her mother with Bob in tow. 

Harley’s mom stopped with a frown. “Bob and I were going to make ice cream sundaes.” 

Joker clapped his hands. “Ooh, ice cream sundaes!! Do you have rainbow sprinkles?” 

Harley growled. “We can’t stay--sorry maybe another time.” 

Joker pouted. 

Harley’s mother frowned. “Maybe next time we could get together and meet Jack’s parents?” 

Harley’s eyes widened and she began to gasp. “I don’t think…” 

But Joker piped up happily. “I think that is a wonderful idea!” 

Harley squeezed her eyes shut wishing she could punch Joker right in the mouth.


End file.
